Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
