From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
