Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
me + whiskey = a bad person
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
