You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
