I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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