Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
