some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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