So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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