how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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