I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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