I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
