dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize