I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
