I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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