I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
