He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
