im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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