I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
