I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
