um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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