Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
