o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
