there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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