I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
