I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
