I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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