it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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