i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
