you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
