She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
