Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
