So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
