i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
