Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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