Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
