if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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