Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
