i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
