Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize