I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am midnight drunk by noon
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
