do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
