He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize