it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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