just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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