u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
