He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
