she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize