Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
