I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
