my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
