I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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