Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i believe in u and ur pee
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
