someone threw a dead crab at me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
