He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
