he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
