i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
