I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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