some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
