i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
