i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
