so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
