you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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