Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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