I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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