One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
