my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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