my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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