my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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