why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
