Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
