hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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