fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
