I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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