Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
