I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
