i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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