I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
