I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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