morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
