NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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