he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
