I'm jealous of your bromance
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
