So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
