Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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