toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
