I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
