apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize