Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
