A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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