I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
