Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's never too late to be topless.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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