got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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