Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
