You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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