take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
