we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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