there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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