So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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