my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
