I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
