Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
