FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
