Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
