I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
