I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
