Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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