She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
