Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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