I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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