You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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