i don't like sucking hair
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
